Getting By on Prayer and Coffee

You might notice I haven't been blogging as often as I used to. It's not because I don't have anything to say. Can I be completely honest with you for a minute? I haven't written as much lately because I'm one of those "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" kinds of people, and I'm afraid that I might sound like a Debbie downer.

Let me start by saying that I am incredibly thankful for the blessings in my life. I am fully aware that I am blessed to have a job, a husband who loves me, and two beautiful children. I thank God for His goodness all the time.

But... since this is my blog and I feel like being candid right now... some days I don't feel as blessed as I know I am. Like... today, I changed a nasty, poopy pull-up in the parking lot outside the church we've been visiting. I shared my shower with a two year old. I held a fussy, teething, drooly baby while he fussed. I had my nipple bitten - hard - by the same teething baby while nursing him and howled in pain. I ate oatmeal for dinner after everyone else had already been fed, and most of it got cold while I was tending to the busy toddler and the teething baby. I sat on the edge of a "big boy bed" for far too long because someone did not want to go to sleep even though it was past his bedtime.

I wish I could say today was just a bad day, but let's face it. When you have a two year old and an almost nine month old, this is kind of just the norm. Our house is never clean anymore. The laundry is never really done. The dishes pile up amazingly fast, since we haven't cooked in a while. Date nights are few and far between. Between my job and my family, there are days when I don't really get to relax until after 9 pm, and by then I'm too tired to really enjoy it.

And still... having said all that, when I see these two little faces, I can't help but overflow with love for them. This motherhood thing is a wild ride. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is this. If you're a parent, and you feel like you're on the verge of pulling your hair out on a regular basis, know that you're not alone. It doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong. On the contrary, I think it means you're doing something right. If you're totally spent by the end of each day, that means you've given your time, energy and love to your kids. That's a good thing, even though it doesn't always feel that way.

Being a mom is sometimes a thankless job. It's easy to feel like your kids want more from you than you can even give. But somehow, each day you do it all over again. I'm honestly not sure where I get the energy to press on some days. Prayer and coffee, I guess. But every day, there it is. I hope that my kids don't see the frustration and fatigue on my face. I hope that they can see past it and that they feel the overwhelming love I have for them. Because it's not always right there on the surface, but it is there, and it always will be.