Like any mom, I tend to talk more about Colin's good side than his bad side. The stories and photos I share of him are usually the ones that show off his sweet, silly self. Take this photo, for example. Doesn't he just ooze cuteness all over the place?!
Seriously. Cutest kid ever, right? Just look at that smile! If we're being honest with ourselves, though, we moms know that our children don't look like this all the time. There are many, many times during the day when they might look a lot more like this:
Look familiar? This particular tantrum started when we left the area in Wal-Mart where all the Christmas stuff was (it is October, right?? Okay, just checking) and tragically, the gigantic, inflatable Santa Claus yard decoration disappeared from Colin's view. He started screaming "Santa, where are you?!? Bye bye Santa!" through his tears. It's really tough being 21 months old, I tell ya.
So what's a mom to do? Well, we've started to employ a few different techniques, depending on the severity of the tantrum. Disclaimer: I do not consider myself a parenting expert by any means. I am simply putting some ideas out there for other parents of toddlers who might be in the middle of toddler tantrum hell, and who are interested to see what other parents of pint sized maniacs sweet little angels have tried that seemed to work.
Pick your battles.
When your little one melts down, the most important thing to remember is that not every tantrum warrants intervention. In the case of the inflatable Santa incident, I acknowledged that Santa had gone "bye bye" and moved on, ignoring Colin's cry of protest. In this case, I feel like making a big deal out of it would have done more harm than good.
Distraction is a powerful tool.
Don't be afraid to take advantage of your toddler's short attention span. When Colin freaks out because, for example, his mean mommy won't let him have marshmallows for breakfast (seriously, kid?), I offer an alternative. "How about a banana? Yum! Bananas are so yummy!" Most of the time, this works. He might cry for a minute or two, but he'll get over it.
Time-out.
When a tantrum warrants discipline, you have to follow through. Consistency is so important in establishing boundaries at this age. Justin and I believe that spanking is not an effective discipline method for a 21 month old, so after some trial and error and a lot of discussion, we have implemented a time-out system. If Colin does something destructive or clearly hears us say "no" and does whatever he's not supposed to do anyway, we give him one warning and tell him he will get a time-out if he does it again. If he repeats the action, he goes straight to time-out. However, any time he hurts someone on purpose (human or animal), he doesn't get a warning. We've got a "zero tolerance policy" for hurting others in our house.
Because the concept is still new to him, we sit with Colin during a time-out. It doesn't have to last very long; only a minute and a half to two minutes. He is very aware he is in time-out, and cries the entire time as if we're torturing him. As we sit down with him, we briefly explain why he is being disciplined. ie. "Colin, you're in time-out because you hit the dog. We don't hit Ellie, because that hurts her." Commence cry-fest. At the end of the time-out, we tell Colin that we love him, give him a hug, and move on to something else. He might need to cry for another minute, but it doesn't last long at all, so we give him his space. The more consistent we are with the time-out system, the more he seems to "get it" and you can see the wheels turning in his head when we warn him to stop what he's doing, or he'll go to time-out. Daycare is using the same system, which is great because we're all on the same page. I'll say it again: consistency is key.
As Colin gets older, we will continue to tailor our discipline methods to his age and personality, but for the moment, ignoring the small tantrums, finding distractions to re-route his attention, and using time-out when necessary are our three secret weapons.
How do you handle your toddler's tantrums?
